In the future we'll all be gay
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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