Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
