Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
