You're my little dorito
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
