So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
