used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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