I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
