I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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