Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize