ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it penis luge time yet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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