I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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