next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
