I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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