You really coming over, don't trick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize