he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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