I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
