there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
