i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
