can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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