I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
