Pants 0. Shit 1.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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