I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
