Got a toothbrush?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
