I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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