i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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