Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
