I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
