The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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