you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
