you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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