Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
