You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize