a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
