Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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