You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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