The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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