I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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