She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
