it hurts more in the daytime
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
