Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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