I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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