she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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