Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize