You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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