Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's rum buckets o'clock
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
