There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
