feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
