I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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