omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
