so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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