At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
