Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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