watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
