Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
