Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
