Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
