Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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