i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
