im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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