Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
