Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just gargled with NyQuil
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
