3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My vagina just clenched in fear
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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