Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize