couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
