i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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