I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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