Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
