two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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