There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
