Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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