is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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