Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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