today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
