After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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