Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
either way he was missing a nipple.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
