who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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