MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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