you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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