oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
