His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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