too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
