i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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