But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
