she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
