so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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