ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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