You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
