i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
