So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
